The Art and Etiquette of Hostess Gifts:
How to Choose and Present the Perfect Gift for Any Occasion.
Being a gracious guest means bringing a thoughtful gift to your hostess.
A gift is an act of love and a source of enjoyment, especially when chosen with care and intention.
Your hostess has put a lot of effort into planning and inviting you to a luncheon, dinner, or cocktail party, so it is customary to show your gratitude and appreciation with a gift. However, there is an etiquette to choosing and presenting the perfect hostess gift.
You need to consider the occasion, the personality, and the preferences of your hostess, as well as the type, size, and value of the gift.
In this article, I will share with you some do’s and don’ts of hostess gift-giving, and in my next article I will share examples of appropriate and creative gifts for various occasions.
Tip 1: Present your gift upon arrival. The best time to give your hostess gift is when you arrive at the event. This way, you can be discreet and avoid drawing attention to yourself or making other guests feel uncomfortable—not everyone will bring a hostess gift. Certainly, if your gift needs to be refrigerated or requires special attention, do let your hostess know.
Tip 2: Include a handwritten note. A handwritten note is a lovely way to thank your hostess for their hospitality and to personalize your gift. It also helps your hostess remember who gave them the gift so they may acknowledge your thoughtfulness. Many hostesses will open gifts privately during or after the party, so they can thank you personally or send you a message later. Therefore, be sure to secure your note well and write your name clearly.
Tip 3: Select your gift thoughtfully. The most important thing to consider when choosing a hostess gift is the personality and preferences of your hostess. You want to give something that they will like and use, not something that will end up at goodwill or the regift pile. You also want to avoid giving anything that may be offensive, inappropriate, or insensitive to your hostess or their guests.
Here are some general guidelines to follow when choosing a hostess gift:
A Bouquet of Flowers: Flowers are a classic and beautiful hostess gift, but they can also be tricky. Arriving to a gathering with a bouquet of flowers makes it difficult to be discrete and may send your hostess scrambling to find a vase, cut the stems, add water, and arrange the flowers—taking away valuable time with her guests. Of course, if your hostess typically has help, the bouquet can be handed off to staff. When sending flowers, it is always best to send them the day after the party. Sending flowers the day before a party may make a hostess feel obligated to put them out and they may not match the décor or the theme of the party. If you would like to send flowers in advance, call the hostess to check on color theme, and be sure they are in a vase appropriate for a powder room, or hall table.
A Bottle of Wine: Wine is another popular and easy hostess gift, but it requires some caution. It can be given if the expectation is NOT that it will be consumed at the party—by no means should you expect your hostess to serve the wine you brought during the party. Surely, she has put thought into every detail of the menu, including wine selections. When presenting wine, be sure to put your hostess at ease (especially if the bottle is chilled). You may say: “This is a favorite of mine, and I thought you might enjoy it some quiet evening in the coming weeks.” If it needs to remain chilled, let your hostess know.
Food: Much like wine, this is a thoughtful gift, and one that requires planning. Food can be given so long as there is no expectation that it will be served at the party. A box of artisanal chocolates could be an exception, as that may be passed after dinner—in this case be sure to let your hostess know what the gift is so she may decide to include it or not, and certainly advise if it needs to be stored in a cool place or refrigerated.
Scented Candles: It seems the scented, powder-room candle is the most common hostess gift, and the most discarded or regifted! Have you ever received a candle only to find two notes inside? One from your guest, and another from their guest? Scented candles are like perfume, what smells lovely to one person, may be reviled by another, and synthetic fragrance can exacerbate allergies and asthma. Unscented votives, tapered or sculptural candles are a much better choice.
In conclusion, choosing and presenting the perfect hostess gift is an art that requires thoughtfulness and consideration. By following these tips, you can show your appreciation and make a lasting impression on your hostess.
“The manner of giving is worth more than the gift.” – Pierre Corneille
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